State of My Life: 9/3/2009-->

My Ex

So, I’ve only been broken up with Yendis for about 5 days. I feel okay about it. I kinda miss being close with her and I certainly miss my bed… (sleeping on an air mattress) but I think it’s the right thing to do. I don’t feel like she will ever progress without me backing off. A couple friends told me they think we won’t get back together. I’m weighing my options. Already have some interested parties outside of my ex but I really don’t want to get in a relationship. There were many things I enjoyed about being in a relationship and a ton of things I did not. No doubt that I love Yendis and I always will have love for her because we spent so much time together and we have a son together. But I really feel that she needs to come back to me a stronger woman if she comes back to me at all. At that point we can re-negotiate if she wants to. It’s going to be hard enough living together and not being together. I’ll start decorating my new room and putting together a bedroom suit as soon as I can afford to do so. Getting a new bed is one of my top priorities.

My Guitar

I’m enjoying my guitar lessons. It’s giving me purpose and quiet in an otherwise cloudy mind. I always have tons of things going on and life moves a million miles per hour sometimes. So, playing the guitar, while frustrating gives me a way to similify my life. When I’m practicing the whole world fades away and it’s just me and my guitar. I think it’ll be a while before I’m really good but I’m being patient.

My Weight Loss

So, I’m kinda stuck. I stopped counting calories and posting to my fitowner.com blog. Alot of it has to do with the changes in my life based on my breakup, going out a bit more and being focused on my business. None of which are good excuses. I’m still working out quite a bit and my stamina is way up but I’m stuck at about 258 pounds and not moving down much further. I’ll get back on track this coming week.

My Business

Things are good with the business. I really need a couple new projects and we are waiting on contracts to be signed and new projects to start but our main prospects are really slow to commit right now. It’s so painful to just wait and wait and feel like you don’t have much control over your bids. But the projects we are working on are moving along nicely. I am giving a talk this month to the Enterprise LAMP group on using Ruby on Rails as a business option and then going over what we call the "Cogwise Method" of development. Looking forward to it actually. Even though I’ve not done much public speaking and I’m kinda freaked out by it. Also, my new assistant started working for me this past week. I’ve known her for years and years and am excited to have her working for me. Her husband is going to go out and sell some websites for us. He’s an experienced sales man so I wonder if he’ll be able to sell websites. I’m always a little bit skeptical when someone tells me they want to go out and sell websites for us. But if he can’t I don’t think anybody could. I’ve always been good at it but I know the industry inside and out so I know what to say in most circumstances. Problem is that I hate cold selling. Most of our sales come from request. Last thing, we are putting up a new website soon. I’m very, very excited about the redesign of our cogwise site.

My Son

I love my son. I worry about his future all the time. I guess this is normal. He’s really demanding these days and I’d love to give him more time but my business eats up a ton of my time. He’s learned to ride his bike now and he speaks so well. He’s very independent and wants to do everything without help. He’s got the best sense of humor as well. I couldn’t have asked for a better blessing in my life. His 3rd birthday is September 11th and I’m really looking forward to it. Family are coming in from out of town. It’s going to be awesome. I got him a netbook (mini-laptop) for his birthday. I wonder what he will think when his mother and I’s breakup becomes more aparent to him. I hope he thinks no less of us or that it doesn’t impact him drastically. I know what it’s like not having a mother and father together and I’m immensely worried about it.

My Finances

I’m putting away just a little bit of money as I can afford to do it. I’ve been reading "The Richest Man In Babylon" and has some very good financial advice in it. I’ll talk more about this in later posts. But finances will get better as more contracts come in and close this month.

Spanish

I had this girl who was going to learn Spanish with me. She seems pretty busy so I’ll probably go back to learning it myself. I think I should have time to start learning by the end of the month.

My Swagger

Really, I think I’m getting my swagger back one day at a time. My confidence is strong and I have a lot of friends giving me compliments. I feel like being in a relationship so long eroded my swagger quite a bit but when I look in the mirror and evaluate myself I think very highly of who I am and what I’ve become. I’m a good father who takes care of his son, I’m a good businessman who inspires people around him, I’m a good looking guy, am ambitious, some think I’m funny and I have a ton of talent. The sky is the limit.

Something Funny

I got told recently that I don’t look like a guy who would like black women. I really find that funny because I’m not sure what a white guy who likes black women would look like. That person said I look too "All American". That’s even stranger because it denotes that black women aren’t all American and this statement was from a black woman. Not the first time I’ve been told something similar to this by black women but that’s the way it is. Let me be clear, I do date white women and women of all races. Though, I’m a bit more comfortable with black women because I’ve dated a lot of black women and I’m sorta used to it. I do have physical preferences as any man does and black woman fit more in line with those preferences a lot of the time but I’m surely not stuck to any type or race.

Food For The Soul

Really, you want me to give you some food for your soul? I write poetry on my blog, is that not enough? Alright… alright… So, when life leads you and your soul yearns for change let your soul be free to change you. Most of the time you won’t be dissappointed. If your soul is still hungry I’ll see what I can whip up later in the week (-: