Selecting Someone New-->

Dating is an interesting ride. I didn’t really ‘date’ all that much when I was younger. Dating, truly, feels awkward and invented - even & especially with someone you really like. When I was younger I knew people for a bit and then they would become my girlfriend. I mean, I did go out with people on dates but not like a bunch of dates. So, it feels strange to do so. I do like dating but it’s not my favorite thing in the world. Further, I tend to have very good luck at some things. When I selected the house that I currently moved in to it was the first house I checked out and it was perfect; everything I needed in a home. Many times I was out looking for the right woman and just as easily one of the first ones I meet is the one I like the most and the right woman for that period of my life. So, it seems I attract the right things in my life for the right situation and I don’t really question things if it feels right. So, I was dating a couple people. I can date no more than two people at a time because I’m busy and I just would rather not split my focus and energy up so much. After several ‘interviews’ I found that one of them was not very intellectually or emotional stable and decided not to pursue her only to talk to another - which wasn’t going to work out for complex reasons I don’t care to get in to, so we had to part ways. Now, I’m left with one that I’m currently seeing regularly and she’s very interesting. So, interesting that I haven’t decided to -actively- look for another to fill my ‘second slot’.

I found that through dating her I question some of my long held values as I put on the chase for this woman. I can’t go in to what values I’m questioning but let’s just say they seemed right when I set them up but now that I’m older and actually question them they fall down in the face of scrutiny. I would assume this is good. My goal is one of constant self-reflection, self-improvement and to find out that my values are less mature than I personally am at this stage in life means I get to change them. There are certain things that were important to me in previous relationships that seemingly are far less important now. It’s funny how you set up standards for yourself and repeat them brainlessly until the right person poses the simple question, "why?".

I’ve been told I’m in no state to select someone to be with because of my recent breakup, my business restructure and blah, blah, blah! But, I apply my own rules to life and if something feels like the right thing to do you should do it unless it hurts someone else. I enjoy a good pursuit and it gives me energy to work, live and be a better man (when it’s a good woman). I have lots of challenges in my life because I work on a lot of things at one time. So, I thrive on challenges and I alluded to this in a previous post a few days ago.

My best advice to anybody going through something like this is to keep looking but keep an open heart and an open mind. Don’t let your past control your future as you don’t have to be defined by your past relationships but defined in spite and because of what you learned about yourself through them. Find someone you can learn, grow with and build something that makes you both better than you could be by yourselves. Listen to those closest to you and don’t turn down their advice but remember it, even if you don’t agree.