Will Bridges

Sometimes people get lost in the world they create for themselves. Their environment becomes stagnant and the air becomes weak around them. What I mean is people get stale and sick of their own existance wihtout even knowing it's hit them. I believe the body will reject this by creating depression, anxiety and making a person go through all shades of difficulty and stress. I really feel that these things like anxiety and depression are ways that the body reflects it's distaste for our current situation and a way of letting us know we are living unhealthy. I actually have battled with anxiety disorder for some time. My father has anxiety and my mother has depression. So, I find myself creating all kinds of mental stress and situations for myself. But, without pills, (which I believe control the syptom and don't cure the problem) I have managed to overcome these things by listening to my body and my mind.

I change things up when I undergo these types of symptoms. I look at my life and how I could make it better, reduce stress and create peace. So, I tend to look inward instead of outward for a solution to these problems. A lot of people are happy on the drugs that they give you for depression or anxiety but I just don't want to become addicted at such an early age and I have a hard time believing that so many people are afflicted by what is considered a disease. I think the diseases are complaicancy, boredom, various addictions and stress. The result is a body and mind that cry out for attention in the form of anxiety and depression. The normal response is "Doctor, give me something for this…" when I believe it should be "What am I doing that creates this feeling for me?". The second question can have difficult answers and the first question, the one that most people ask, has a much more simple answer. Since I walked this path and chose question number two I can tell you it is a longer and more difficult path but a much more rewarding path. You can learn a lot about yourself traveling that path. My anxiety attacks were pretty bad. I went to the hospital a couple times and they hooked me up to machines to attempt to figure out what was wrong with me. They eventually chalked it up to anxiety disorder after running all the tests they could think of. I took a long, hard look at myself and had to quit smoking, start working out and change my outlook on life to a more positive one. Not only that but I had to make drastic lifestyle changes… I had to switch it up.

I realized my job was very stressful, my health was getting worse and general stress about things that weren't important were weakening my spirit. It took me about 2 months before I was able to get a plan in place to quit my job at the time, put a work out plan in action, eat a bit better and treat myself like I cared about and loved me. I was satisfied because I know many people just continue on that path, they don't change anything and they end up sad people who are productive members of society but lose their soul and forget what makes them unique. 

Change is beautiful. The universe is full of change. It is the only constant. It's a dynamic symphony of instruments that we are all a part of. But, in it's time an instrument will have many notes and play many songs and without those different notes and songs it would not be an instrument at all but just background noise. Live life full.

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I have so many things to do today and all I can think about is how it's 72 degrees out and it's a Saturday. Also, I think about how I don't hang out much with my girlfriend or son. So, as you can see, my mind wanders off in to the distant perfectly temperate abyss. Really, I tend to be my own worst enemy at times like this. I'm so close to a launching this website and 2 proposals away from securing two new clients. Yet, I really have a hard time lifting a finger to do anything today that is work related.

I will of course finish these things by tomorrow night but right now I find myself looking outside at the daylight whithering away and thinking to myself "What did i have going on again and who's responsibility is that?". I'm always under a lot of pressure and days like this where my mind shifts to everything but work is what keeps me sane but also what keeps me from being the richest man on Earth. Go figure.. I'll get past it one day. 

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This morning I woke up and my son was half awake. He was staring at me. It was strangely familiar looking in to his eyes. Almost like looking in to my own eyes as if I were grown looking at myself as a baby. As I stared back it seemed I could see his entire future and all the successes, challenges, and failures he may have in the blink of his eyes. It was almost as if we could both see these things for a split second. He just didn't understand it. He had a look that suggested he would need my help in the years to come. Through his eyes I could see flashes of my own future almost like a mirror reflecting a dream.

We both agreed in spirit to assist each other almost like an unknowing pact between father and son. There was a state of compliance and contentment in our mutual stare at the end of it and a new bond was made. He knows who I am now and I know who he is and we both know the long path we have to walk together. We've agreed that sometimes I will carry him and sometimes he can cary me and other times we will walk together but not speak because of temporary angst. But we've shown our silent appriciation, love and our respect for each other in only a glance and that will keep us hand in hand through the ease of life and the stress of life. We are father and son and that means more to me than it ever did.

I love you Juhlyun. 

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From time to time estimating a project's length can be tricky if you have very little in the way of specs. It's probably best to not even quote the project and go hourly under this cicumstance. About 9 months ago we quoted a client on some work. This client happens to be a close friend of mine. I told him what I thought it would take at the time with the resources I had back then. Since then we've raised our rates by a lot, hired a couple more folks and changed the way we do business. The site was launched behind schedule in an incomplete status. They've asked for all kinds of additions and changes to the project. I was happy to give it to them but didn't warn them every time they asked for something that it was puttting us further behind. We were building a software package that could be reusable and so I didn't mind the extra features.

So, now they are really pissed because the project is still not complete and I only have a week's time this month to dedicate to their project which may or may not be enough. It's a behemoth of a project which is over 100 hours outside of it's budget. So, what to do? Well, I've learned some lessons.

1. Do not do extra work for a client outside the scope of the project without charging and increasing the deadline (yes, I should know this already but have made this mistake regardless of the fact I know it. Generally make this mistake with friends only.)
2. When doing work for friends make no or very little special considerations because they are friends after the contract is signed. The contract is in stone and must be followed to a T as much as can be.
3. With such a large project deal with it in phases if possible and only charge/estimate one phase at a time. If you make an overall project estimate make it very clear that the accuracy could be off by up to 30%.
4. If specs are unclear or unfinished a deadline and a cost cannot be clear. No exceptions.
5. When building a software package for a particular company that can be reused pad your quote with extra time.

Back to the question of what is to be done. Well, there isn't much that can be done. I've went back and forth with the client. I've proved my dedication to the completion of the project. Generally I would give a partial refund but because the project is so far over budget it's not a good move. So, all I can do is look over the things that need to be finished and complete the tasks that have the most user impact for the least cost first. After that I need to finish the less important tasks or tasks that have a high cost and low benefit. After that I have to hope that my friendship with the client is strong enough to make up for the issues we have had.

Some of you may say "Will, you so fucked that up." But really, I am not the only responsible party. I talked to the client's wife, who also works for him, and she understands that part of the reason we are behind on the project is also because of additions and changes. So, even if my client doesn't get it at least his wife knows what's up and someone sees the effort I have put in.

Will I salvage this client? Yes, probably. I'm 90% sure. Before this year we had a sketchy reputation with some of our clients but we completely changed the way we do things, the technologies we use and hired people to make up for our lack of ability to complete work. We did a complete 360 and fulfilled my vision of what I wanted the business to be like. This client is one of the last clients from that sketchy past before we did our turn around and I hope to really help them fulfill every vision they have of their company through their website.

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Below is the video of my son’s first cake. As you can see he really didn’t know the cake was for him and I wasn’t sure if he figured out the party was for him till I stuck his hand in the cake. He really enjoyed the party and I will post the pics on flickr when I get back to TN either tomorrow or Wednesday morning.

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Hey, I'm back home. I'm writing this now from my father's house in Front Royal, VA. I got in to town last night at about 1am Eastern Time from my 11 hour journey. It's really cool to see my family and for my family to see my son. They haven't seen him in about 3 months and he's doing all kinds of new stuff now that he's a year old (really not a year old till next Tuesday but you get the picture). I'm sitting here now contemplating his birthday party we are throwing today. I'm wondering if my girlfriend's dad is going to show up (they don't really have a relationship). I'd really like him to be involved in my son's life because it'd be great if he understood all parts of where he comes from and his family. But, you know, you just can't get everybody to act right I guess. He seems like he wants to be involved in my girlfriend's life but then again he doesn't make much effort. It's hard to tell.

So, I have mixed feelings about being back here. On one hand this place nearly dragged me down to a really negative place a few times. On the other it still feels like home to a certain degree. But, it feels like an old friend I've grown out of at this point. I think I've matured beyond what this place has to offer. Sometimes I think of Nashville as my home. I really love it there (with the exception of the heat). I've been a big fan of Nashville and I've promoted it to other people. Nashville helped me give birth to my first son and my business has prospered in Nashville. However, I never really stay in one place beyond 2 or 3 years and that third year is next year. So, it's difficult to know whether I will stay. But, that should be a for a later post.

As I was saying, home is a spendid thing to visit and I can't wait to celebrate my son's first birthday with family and friends. But, I just can't say goodbye to this place quick enough. There's always a part of this place in my heart and if I didn't have a memory of all the things it means to me it may be a half decent place.

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So, I'm headed to Front Royal, VA today. Just an hour southwest of Washington DC. That's my home town. I'm really not interested in going except the fact my son's birthday is Tuesday and we are throwing him a big party on Sunday for his brithday. I'm also going to do an in-person training session with one of our Employees in Virginia who is a trainee learning Ruby on Rails. I have a couple clients in the area I want to visit as well. So, I have plenty of reasons to make this wonderful 11 hour journey. The worst thing is my air conditioner is leaking so that won't work on the way up there. I hope it stays somewhat cool.

I am looking forward to seeing some old friends. But every time I stay in Virginia for any more than 3 or 4 days I start to lose my mind, get extremely bored and get depressed from my surroundings. My friends that stayed there really are doing mostly the same shit and not really advancing much. Sometimes that's the most difficult thing to see. I always try to convince them to leave when I see them. Try to motivate them to do more. But they rarely can see beyond their little boring town in northern VA. Viva la Front Royal. 

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Hello,
    I'm writing to inform you I will no longer be shopping at Circuit City any more. I will be driving up the road to go to Best Buy. I've been a Circuit City customer for years and have come to the sad conclusion that you do not care about your customers that much. Let me inform you why I have made this decision.
   At around 5:30pm on August 22nd I visited a Circuit City in Rivergate, TN, outside of Nashville. I was stopping in on my weekly trip in to the store to look for some new music, some software and browse your wonderful selection of items. Before I went in the store I parked 4 rows from the front of the store. I rolled up my windows, locked my door and placed my laptop case on the floor board of the passenger side of my car. I felt relatively safe in this area and figured I would only be in the store at tops 20 minutes. I went in the store and browsed for a while and ended up buying a few small items. When I left the store I walked out to find my passenger side window was broken and my $1200 laptop had been stolen with much of my business information. I'm the CEO of a local software development company. I was pretty confused. So, I asked one of the clerks if there were any cameras outside. He said, "No, there are plenty inside but none outside.". He was generally not very helpful and only aided me with a phone to call the police. I'm wondering if it is commonplace to have a large electronics store and not have one single camera outside to protect your customers. So, after I had to wait 3 hours for the Nashville Metro Police to show up so I could file a report (missing an important meeting that evening) I drove up the road to Best Buy. I found that Best Buy has one omni-directional camera watching their parking lot.
   So, it seems had I been shopping for my goods at Best Buy I would have been at least somewhat protected. I think it is absolutely absurd you can't put one camera outside to protect your customers. Not only will I not shop at Circuit City again, I will tell every person I know about this and inform them they should make the same decision. Also, I will make mention of this in my blog as well as use any other route I can employ to deter others from making the same mistake. I am aware this is partially my fault for not putting my laptop in the trunk or carrying it in the store. But, this was broad daylight, four rows from the entrance to your building. It's just not right to not have a camera or security patroling the area when seemingly every other large store in the area does. I will forward a copy of this in writing to your corporate office and deliver a copy to the store manager.

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Many people go through their life figuring out what they can get out of life. But, the saying that you only get what you put in to life is very true. But I would take it even further and say that you must give and feel good about giving in order to receive. If you feel like you always have plenty then you shall always have plenty to draw on. You actually put yourself in a position to give more because you feel so joyous about giving. It creates a circular effect. You give and feel good about giving so you receive more in order to give. Your mind is eventually put in to a position of thinking "I must have a lot or I couldn't give things away" and this puts you in a position of success. 

You may ask then.. "How come greedy people have so much?". They have so much because they don't believe they could have any less. They are ingrained with the thought that wealth flows to them freely and easily. Thus, it does. It's been said if you took the wealth from the top 1% of the world that is the most wealthy and redistributed it to the masses that within a couple years the top 1% that had the wealth would mostly regain it. This is because they think wealthy. They never think from a position of 'not enough' and thus they draw wealth to them and put themselves in a strong position to gain wealth. 

I always believe I have enough and if for some reason the facts don't seem that way I believe enough and plenty are coming to me. Further, I give when I have less than I believe I should and soon enough it comes back to me plus additional resources. I'm happy I got to give and thus I put myself in a position to recieve more. To some degree this takes a leap of faith that most people don't have and that keeps them feeling less than wealthy. I always feel wealthy, even when I have just a few bucks in my personal account because I trust that I have enough and that my real value is not my bank balance but my abilities, my charisma and my content of character. I know that with that I could regain myself from financial disaster or any other perceived disaster that could ever befall me.

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Video of my son walking below. Yendis was taking the video. Pretty cool.

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