lAtesT uNconditionaL wIsdoM -->

October is always like my reflection point for the year it feels like. There’s something about watching the the weather cool and knowing that the holidays are coming that makes this time of the year feel unique. Leaves are whisping about the Autum wind and a steaming cup of tea feels that much more welcome against the crispness of the air. It like the coming days are borrowing the last bit of heat from the waivering summer. It gives me a burst of energy and a knowing that I can’t describe but in the words that I will present.

For this October I want a new beginning for myself. I feel the attraction of things in my life that bring me peace, resolution and wealth of the soul’s capital. There’s a tension in the spirit that lets me know I’m at the verge of something greater than myself and informs me that I must stay wise to the signs of life. I’ve let go of the heavy part of my life and let a higher power carry me through these days. I’ve given in to the fact I don’t know where the path leads and that I don’t need to know to see the brightness of each sure step in front of me. I feel almost free of that which bound me to deception and the collusion of others, intentional or not, to dim my light which have only created more source of such light within me.

I don’t fear for the future but know that it holds me dear in the nook of success and the challenges I must face to get where I am heading are only stories for my children and character building measures that make me more vibrant. Tomorrow holds the secret about what was special about the things I faced today and knowing like I know is knowing what the future holds for me.

I sacrificed the world back what I held so dear and somewhere inside it nearly killed me to feel the way I did. But the world will connect me back with what I gave it if it is what is healthy for me and well deserved. I am not above what god demands of me and of what is demanded by my soul for sacrafice. I am not a man of regrets because that which is less desired still serves your soul but maybe I could have done different in this case. Maybe I should have dreamed higher or reached above myself to gain those traits of the spirit which would have balanced me and made me less demanding. But as sure as I am that the sun will rise tomorrow is as sure as I am that knowing what I know now must be needed medication for a weary soul that would have not known otherwise.

When you give in to that thing unseen that gives you a tug on your shoulder and a whisper in your ear or see that fact which is in the midst of illusion enlightenment will be your guide and you can do no harm. I have been given peace by knowing the truth and through the truth I stand whole. If you lead me to the truth may your path be blessed as well. That which you give in good heart you will surely receive.

I’ve been doing some serious self exploration for a few days now and I’ve come to realize that I’ve changed in some ways that weren’t even obvious to me until the evidence started piling up. I’ve become rigid, cold, less affectionate and even less romantic. I have come to care little for the pursuit ofhappiness and more for the accumulation of wealth and success. This was made clear to me through an accumulation of evidence in people’s reaction to me over the past few years and then finally by comments of a stranger. It’s like someone waived their hand in front of me and suddenly I could see the past, the present and several potential futures all in unison.

It’s funny how perception of one’s self can be behind the reality of self because small and slow changes that occur can be so subtle when they happen that you transform without really knowing how you got somewhere. What to do when you have realized you are different is more complex because this realization can change the way you view the relationships you have and the world around you.

I still retain my passion and ambition but there’s a fear in me now that was never really there just a few years ago. Some have told me it’s because I have a child and a family but I don’t accept that as the reason for this growing tension in my soul. I was never the type to be consumed by fear or even give it a second thought. I was careless and fearless when I was much younger and I am much more careful, thoughtful but also kinda fear driven in a way that doesn’t make any logical sense to me.

I’ve totally lost my ability to be affectionate with another human being. How the hell did this happen? My girlfriend is not the most affectionate person and never has been. That’s part of it. Without using it obviously it would become less of a thing. My affection for others and their reciprocation used to be an essential part of who I was. It fueled the fire in me that kept my soul bright and my mind sharp.

I’m no longer a romantic. This one completely confuses me as well but I understand where it came from. I used to do things that were subtle, creative andbeautiful that expressed this part of me so well. I kinda know where this one comes from. I have tended to choose woman who were tough because I respect a woman with a sharp opinion and the tongue to deliver it with but most women I’ve been with are not so good with giving praise or praise given to them. However, most of the women I have chosen really didn’t respect my romantic side and some women even ran over me a bit when I showed it. I think I started to consider it a weakness and became very cautious in my use of it until it was nearly absent from my life.

I’m full of internal and external distractions. I tend to distract myself very easily these days. When I’m feeling down I shop, play games or watch TV and really haven’t investigated why I feel down. I’ve always been kinda this way but there used to be a balance. I used to find peace in being still, being alone and listening the whispers of the world you can only hear when you tune out the distractions. Through my peace I was closest to god. I still feal that closeness to god and deep faith but I’ve lost some of the personal relationship I had with god.

I used to see the harmony in the world. I was always of the view that I had a special insight in to the world and I could see details that nobody else really cared to see. I’ve started doing this again. It’s like I’ve awoken from a long slumber and I can see details that I never saw when I looked at the same thing dozens of times. I’ve always had the ability to look at the same thing from a multitude of different perspectives and see the logic of opposing view points to realize that both view points were right in most cases because perception is not something that is right or wrong. It is what it is. I’m gaining this one back and through it I hope to release my fear.

I used to write daily. Writing has always been good for my soul. It has shown me insight on to things that I didn’t shed light on till I wrote them down. It has given me a window in to others that goes deeper than my perceived view of them. I’ve gotten away from writing and when I have written it’s not been for me. In some cases, not all, it’s like someone else is writing and sometimes I read the things I wrote and I’m not sure it’s me. Writing has given me glimpses in to my former self and helped me come to the realization of who I am now.

So, who am I now that I know? Probably a combination of who I was and who I aspire to be. I’ve never been that resistant to change. It’s likely I will start redefining myself and that process is very likely to be dangerous to my current lifestyle and set of standards. I will define myself for the better in some people’s eyes and for the worst in other people’s eyes. But change is the only constant in the universe and through change comes re-birth. Once I reduce the fear in my soul I will be able to come to some definitions on who I will become and what it means to my life. I’m in that process now.

Being a non-religious person people naturally assume that faith isn’t a big part of my life. However, I’ve noticed that I seem to have far more faith than many religious people I know. Another thing I’ve seen people assume is that because I drink and party and have a moral compass that is pretty far to the left that I don’t respect God. In face I have the utmost respect through my love for God and I need little evidence of God in the way of scripture or posturing from my peers. I know God. I feel God in my life as the light that warms me and keeps me pointed in a favorable direction. I believe that religion is a filter from which to view God. Some people require it and others do not. Many of these filters add unfavorable attributes to God… I believe sometimes we put Human attributes on the definition of God in order to better relate to something and define something that moves through us and around us as an energy that creates and holds together the fabric of the universe.

In my world we all have access to this God energy and we either use it to define our life or use the illusion of the absence of God to define our life. All things not based out of love give the feeling of absence in God. When you fear God, even if it is respect out of fear I believe you lessen your relationship with God. However, this is not wrong or right… Many people need to understand the absence of something in order to understand the value of it’s presence. I prefer the route that ties me in to the energy of God through a steady stream and through my actions I praise God. Through my unwavering knowing that my needs and desires are fulfilled because of my faith and use of this spiritual energy I am fulfilled.

Morality and spirituality are two very distinct things and one shouldn’t be confused with the other. Furthermore, what is morale and good to me may not be good to you and the opposite is true for you. I don’t believe in Hell or Satan for that matter and definitely do not believe in sin. When I wrong someone I feel it strongly and I have wronged very few. Those that I have wronged I apologize to quickly and those who have wronged me usually apologize to me. The burden of sin, which I believe to be a Human defined set of rules, doesn’t weigh on my soul. God directs my actions without interpretation from ancient books or Human proclaimed advisors of God. I am strong in my faith and my life has proven that my faith works for me. I’m not saying this is for everyone as it most certainly isn’t. Everybody defines their relationship with God in a different way that is comfortable for them. However, this may be for some of you where it was on your mind or for those who wondered about how I believed.

I know like I know.

As many successful people I believe that you are the creator of your own luck. If you pray for good luck or wish for good luck it means that there is an external force that is out of your control bestowing luck on you. I have told others "good luck" but I believe what I really mean is "I hope you create great opportunities for yourself". I find it amusing when people sit around and do nothing but hope that their luck changes or even worse, they keep doing the same negative behavior and hope that it changes. The successful know that you are the one who creates opportunity for yourself and gives yourself the luck you require.

So, what is luck? Is it a heavenly force bestowed by a more powerful being? Is it a mathematical chance where the odds are in your favor more than even if you have good luck? I would argue that it’s none of the above. Luck is the opportunity you create for yourself by doing positive things combined with the way you feel about yourself. A confident person will usually appear to have good luck. Are they confident because they have good luck or do they have good luck because they are confident? I think more than likely they have good luck because they are confident. When you are positive, confident and have faith in your abilities the universe will surround you with good "luck". So, if you are sitting around moping and wondering when good luck will come your way the answer is probably "never", at least while you are sitting around moping and not creating opportunity for yourself. Self pity and introvertedness are the antithesis of luck. Luck is opportunity and you can’t create opportunity all by yourself or while you feel like shit about who you are. Opportunity is born through a strong and confident mind in the presence of other strong and confident minds.

When you are feeling sorry for yourself due to some temporary failure pick your ass up and do something about it. The quicker you realize how to brush your shoulders off, learn from your experiences and get back in the game the less you will draw the experience of bad luck in your life. You do attract things in your life by your feelings and views about the world around you so put good bait out so you can attract all the magnificent things you desire and need in your life.

I’ve spent most of my life with one major goal. That goal is to not be subject to the same poverty I grew up under. There are boundless opportunities for those who are resourceful and have a willingness to succeed. However, when you grow up being poor there are some major obstacles you have to overcome. It really seems simple when you point out what the things you have to overcome are. But actually overcoming a sense of self-limitation and belief in lack that one has engrained in their mind and spirit is very, very difficult.

The primary difference between poor and wealthy families is that wealthy families and their children feel like they deserve wealth. They feel entitlled to wealth and thus attract wealth in their life. I remember growing up and thinking that there was a core limitation to what I could achieve because we didn’t have enough and because I wasn’t worthy. Every time we would get some money my mom would spend it quickly like someone was going to take it from us if we didn’t. There was no concept of saving or investment. There was no theory of wealth and really no feasible way back then that it could be achieved. The only thought of exceeding the circumstances of poverty was the possibility that I could finish school and get a grant or loan to go to school where I could get a degree and then provide a better future than my mother had built. Of course I had no love for school and that turned out to not be in my future but that’s been went over in other posts. The only other way we could escape poverty was if my mother magically won the lottery or some new work-at-home scheme she had bought in to started to work.

My mother had 2 jobs most of the time when I was growing up so she could provide for us. We lived with my grandmother during my entire youth. There were a few times where we were so poor we had to accept handouts for both food and clothing. I remember and now regret being embarrassed that my mother was using food stamps. I walked out of the grocery store because I was embarrassed we had to get help and i didn’t want anybody to know. I understand I could have been way worse off. I could have lived in a country that didn’t have such assistance where we could have starved. So, I understand that by our standards we were poor but by the standards of the world we weren’t bad off. However, event the taste of poverty I had was far more than enough.

I promised myself I nor my children would ever be subject to those circumstances. I also promised myself that I would do things on my terms throughout my life. Sometimes these promises have contradicted one another and i have had to live life on other people’s terms in order to not live in poverty. I’ve had some rough times in my career where I wasn’t sure how I was going to eat or where my next dollar for my power bill was coming from but mostly I’ve been blessed. There are still things I struggle with. Overcoming generational poverty is overcoming something you are raised with when you grow up poor. Some of the things you have to overcome are:

1. Self-worth - Growing up poor you sometimes start to believe that you are worth less and have less potential. You have the same potential as anyone and must build that sense of self-worth up. If you don’t have a strong sense of self-worth you will have a difficult time because you will be swayed by everyone who pushes you around.


2. There’s not enough - The mindset that there is not enough to go around and/or that you don’t deserve a substantial amount of anything is a hard thing to get past. The world is unlimited and you have to understand that you are always capable and deserving of whatever is out there.


3. Nobody’s gonna eat off your plate - I don’t know if this one was just my family but my mother spent like it was going out of style when we had a little bit more money than normal. I understand she really wanted more for me and wanted to treat me but there was no concept of saving which is still embedded in the way I do things. I am a firm believer that children should learn the concepts of investment and saving as early as possible. I feel that because I didn’t learn this early I’m fighting an uphill battle.


4. We can’t get it now and pay later - This is one is very hard to learn. Credit should be used as little as possible. It’s best to buy only what you have money for. That desire and drive to get what you want will push you to get the money to have it. Don’t get yourself so far in debt you could never escape it. Banks and loan companies don’t want to help you they want to enslave you.


5. You are the one that breaks the cycle - Generational poverty is common. We are very much more likely than not to live under the same circumstances as our parents did. This is true even in the good ole’ USA. If your parents were poor or middle class or wealthy you are likely to fall under the same or similar circumstances. Be unique and be better than your parents… create wealth and opportunity so you and your children can live better. Society as a whole benefits from this.

I had a meeting with someone today who just wanted to talk to me about being a web developer, about Nashville and about life in general it seems. I don’t really know this person. They emailed me out of nowhere and wanted to talk to me in person. The guy was in the print industry for a long time and has been trying to learn programming and wanted some advice. His wife lives here in Nashville and he lives in Atlanta while he’s looking for a job. A lot of what we talked about was him wanting to break in to a new industry without any experience in that industry. I felt it would be useful to give him advice since I’ve had plenty of people that have given me advice and helped me become who I am today. Though I’m busy I really think it’s important to share the knowledge you have with people when you can afford to. By sharing your knowledge with people you will in turn have others share their knowledge with you and so the cycle will continue.

So, I guess the turning point in the conversation for him is I told him that he has to choose to be a web developer and decide that he is one. At that point he will act as if he is one and all the right things will fall in to place. I think a lot of people fail on the point that they wait for something to happen before they can ‘be’ something. You could be included in this if you have ever said:

1. I get this figured out or finish school I will be ___________ .


2. When I get this new project I will be __________.


3. When I get done with this I will be __________.

Now, you can fill in any adjective you want above in those blanks. You can even fill nouns. For example the thought that you aren’t a programmer until you get a job programming or finish school for programming is invalid. One day I woke up and decided I was a programmer. One day I woke up and decided I was a poet. One day I woke up and decided I was a businessman. I didn’t really require an external event to prove to me that I was. External events reinforce the belief that I am what I believe I am. When I wake up I choose to be happy or not happy. Events throughout the day make that feeling less or more but the fact I have already chosen to be gives me some resilience and some template to work from. Belief tends to drive the human life.

It has been my observation that people only feel worthy of something positive if they have expended the necessary social rituals or had some events happen to them so they claim they can be __________ . However, those who just choose to be and act as if will just as easy, if not easier, become so inclined. Okay, sounds a bit easier than it may be for you. It’s a paradigm shift, for sure. Start with something easy. Close your eyes in the morning when you wake up and decide to be upset. This is easy, because a lot of people act angry when they want attention. So, act angry. Go throughout your day being angry. Find reasons to be angry and make it present. You will find it was really easy to be angry. The next day close your eyes and decide to be happy… think of happy things. Good, now go throughout your day doing thing that make you more happy and build upon that initial mood you have chosen. It’s a lot easier to take control of your life than you think.

This applies to most profession switches. Wake up one morning and choose to be a programmer. Write code, learn code and visit forums where other programmers are and read what they write. Participate if you can and make programmer friends. Call up or visit a programmer you know and talk to them about programming news you read… you may not understand it all but you will learn much more quickly. It may not feel natural at first but you will grow in to it much more easily. If you act as if then so you will be. It has to feel real to you though. If you can’t enjoy what you do then it may not be for you. For a profession change you may need a degree in some cases but at least taking on the role of feeling like you are already there will put you in the right place. Being around others in the profession could lead to an opportunity for you to make cash at it and really make it your career.

Immersion is the best way to learn a new language the same way immersion is the best way to learn anything.

In times like these people tend to let their ambitions fall by the wayside and settle for just enough or getting by. I believe that in any time this is a self limitation that should not be a part of anyone’s reality. We still must aim high and push hard for our goals. Yet, it’s easy to get distracted on your way to your goals by the daily problems of life. I’m going to offer some real world solutions on how to keep your dreams alive in the face of diversity. These rules have worked for me and may work for you.

1. Focus daily on the goals you have. Close your eyes and picture yourself as already succeeding with your goals. Make it feel real. Use your imagination. Spend some time in your future reality. Imagine the things you will do when you achieve your goals.


2. Discard the naysayers. Those who don’t encourage you on the way to accomplishing your goals are a distraction. Do your best to tune them out.


3. Do not use the word ‘try’ in regard to your goals. If you are trying you aren’t doing. Think about what other words you can use. Never use the word ‘try’ or ‘trying’.


4. Break your goal in to steps and paths. Remember that there are many paths to the same goal and you will have to be open minded about which paths you choose. Pick what I call a ‘path’, which is a set of small achievable tasks that lead you to your goal. Sometimes a path will become less tangible and you will have the chance to cross over to another path to reach your goal. People get caught up in their mind sometimes that there is this one path and only this one path to reach their goal but that is usually not true. Open your mind to different paths.


5. When you have picked a path break it down to tasks. Work on these tasks every day. Make them small enough to achieve so you can feel the wind of progress under your feet. Success leads to further success.


6. Tell positive people in your life about your tasks, your path and your goals. This makes it more real. As I said in #2 be careful of naysayers though.


7. Don’t get overwhelmed by the flurry of tasks that lead to your goal. If you try to do too much at once you will get overwhelmed. It’s difficult but try to only plan 5-10 tasks ahead on your path. Think of it like this… if you know the path is 100 miles long you will feel overwhelmed and are likely to give up. If you only see a few hundred yards in front of you then your momentum will keep you motivated.


8. Ignore statistics. Many times if you look at the statisitics about others trying to achieve your goal or what is ‘normal’ about people trying to achieve the same goal and you don’t fit that mold you will get discouraged. In my goals I sometimes did look at the statistics anyway just to understand how great it would be for me to overcome those statistics. However, I’m not that easily discouraged. So, statistics just motivate me to prove them wrong.


9. Your goal is not a dream, a distant possibility or an ‘if’. It’s a reality that just hasn’t come to pass. Treat it as such and mention it as such to others. Use ‘when’ not ‘if’. Use ‘goal’ not ‘dream’. Use patience. Keep your resolve. You are achieving your goal in incremental steps.