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My Ex

So, I’ve only been broken up with Yendis for about 5 days. I feel okay about it. I kinda miss being close with her and I certainly miss my bed… (sleeping on an air mattress) but I think it’s the right thing to do. I don’t feel like she will ever progress without me backing off. A couple friends told me they think we won’t get back together. I’m weighing my options. Already have some interested parties outside of my ex but I really don’t want to get in a relationship. There were many things I enjoyed about being in a relationship and a ton of things I did not. No doubt that I love Yendis and I always will have love for her because we spent so much time together and we have a son together. But I really feel that she needs to come back to me a stronger woman if she comes back to me at all. At that point we can re-negotiate if she wants to. It’s going to be hard enough living together and not being together. I’ll start decorating my new room and putting together a bedroom suit as soon as I can afford to do so. Getting a new bed is one of my top priorities.

My Guitar

I’m enjoying my guitar lessons. It’s giving me purpose and quiet in an otherwise cloudy mind. I always have tons of things going on and life moves a million miles per hour sometimes. So, playing the guitar, while frustrating gives me a way to similify my life. When I’m practicing the whole world fades away and it’s just me and my guitar. I think it’ll be a while before I’m really good but I’m being patient.

My Weight Loss

So, I’m kinda stuck. I stopped counting calories and posting to my fitowner.com blog. Alot of it has to do with the changes in my life based on my breakup, going out a bit more and being focused on my business. None of which are good excuses. I’m still working out quite a bit and my stamina is way up but I’m stuck at about 258 pounds and not moving down much further. I’ll get back on track this coming week.

My Business

Things are good with the business. I really need a couple new projects and we are waiting on contracts to be signed and new projects to start but our main prospects are really slow to commit right now. It’s so painful to just wait and wait and feel like you don’t have much control over your bids. But the projects we are working on are moving along nicely. I am giving a talk this month to the Enterprise LAMP group on using Ruby on Rails as a business option and then going over what we call the "Cogwise Method" of development. Looking forward to it actually. Even though I’ve not done much public speaking and I’m kinda freaked out by it. Also, my new assistant started working for me this past week. I’ve known her for years and years and am excited to have her working for me. Her husband is going to go out and sell some websites for us. He’s an experienced sales man so I wonder if he’ll be able to sell websites. I’m always a little bit skeptical when someone tells me they want to go out and sell websites for us. But if he can’t I don’t think anybody could. I’ve always been good at it but I know the industry inside and out so I know what to say in most circumstances. Problem is that I hate cold selling. Most of our sales come from request. Last thing, we are putting up a new website soon. I’m very, very excited about the redesign of our cogwise site.

My Son

I love my son. I worry about his future all the time. I guess this is normal. He’s really demanding these days and I’d love to give him more time but my business eats up a ton of my time. He’s learned to ride his bike now and he speaks so well. He’s very independent and wants to do everything without help. He’s got the best sense of humor as well. I couldn’t have asked for a better blessing in my life. His 3rd birthday is September 11th and I’m really looking forward to it. Family are coming in from out of town. It’s going to be awesome. I got him a netbook (mini-laptop) for his birthday. I wonder what he will think when his mother and I’s breakup becomes more aparent to him. I hope he thinks no less of us or that it doesn’t impact him drastically. I know what it’s like not having a mother and father together and I’m immensely worried about it.

My Finances

I’m putting away just a little bit of money as I can afford to do it. I’ve been reading "The Richest Man In Babylon" and has some very good financial advice in it. I’ll talk more about this in later posts. But finances will get better as more contracts come in and close this month.

Spanish

I had this girl who was going to learn Spanish with me. She seems pretty busy so I’ll probably go back to learning it myself. I think I should have time to start learning by the end of the month.

My Swagger

Really, I think I’m getting my swagger back one day at a time. My confidence is strong and I have a lot of friends giving me compliments. I feel like being in a relationship so long eroded my swagger quite a bit but when I look in the mirror and evaluate myself I think very highly of who I am and what I’ve become. I’m a good father who takes care of his son, I’m a good businessman who inspires people around him, I’m a good looking guy, am ambitious, some think I’m funny and I have a ton of talent. The sky is the limit.

Something Funny

I got told recently that I don’t look like a guy who would like black women. I really find that funny because I’m not sure what a white guy who likes black women would look like. That person said I look too "All American". That’s even stranger because it denotes that black women aren’t all American and this statement was from a black woman. Not the first time I’ve been told something similar to this by black women but that’s the way it is. Let me be clear, I do date white women and women of all races. Though, I’m a bit more comfortable with black women because I’ve dated a lot of black women and I’m sorta used to it. I do have physical preferences as any man does and black woman fit more in line with those preferences a lot of the time but I’m surely not stuck to any type or race.

Food For The Soul

Really, you want me to give you some food for your soul? I write poetry on my blog, is that not enough? Alright… alright… So, when life leads you and your soul yearns for change let your soul be free to change you. Most of the time you won’t be dissappointed. If your soul is still hungry I’ll see what I can whip up later in the week (-:

In The Beginning

There once was a young man who considered himself worthy of a woman’s heart for whom he had no reach. He gave her two years of patience with the faith that she would one day be his and his alone. He followed her to the point he lost himself in her gaze, her smile and hung on the every simple movement of her lips. He was soaked in her from head to toe and begged again and again for her to be his. She finally gave in to his seemingly endless requests but with a half heart and not knowing they would one day commit themselves to more than they could conceive. He wanted to move her away from the place they were from which he considered poison for their relationship so even though his heart was that of a business man he gave in to become an employee and move far away from their families to Nashville.

On Hope

They were together in their own place far away from home and bound up in a relationship she was unsure of. She was yet defining who she was early in her twenties and feeling difficulty in being some man’s woman while being her own woman. The days went by and they struggled to scratch out a small place for themselves while slowly acquiring all the things you need to be comfortable in the modern world. He was wary of her disconnect in the relationship but continued the relationship as he knew keeping her heart would be as difficult as winning it in the first place. She was distant and hurtful in the early days and not really committed. Then, after no more than a few months away from home there was news of the life they had made without intention and both were concerned. Both had come from homes where parents were not together in marriage and they debated extinguishing this creation they had made but in the end there was a decision to keep the life and make it their own. They built this decision on hope that they would be better than their parents and they could overcome their differences. They hoped they could define themselves, combine their dreams and build something to last the test of stress and time.

She Was…

Embarrassed to be pregnant and worried about what her family would think. She didn’t want to be another statistic and was worried about being a single mother as the relationship she was in was new and there was no way to tell the future. She had aspirations of being a model which she knew may be sidetracked. Her life was scary and she felt no longer in control of the things happening to her body through the event she was putting it through. Would he be there for her? Would she be able to regain her former body? Would she get the help she needed? Would her family be supportive? There were so many questions that spun her up tight in uncertainty.

He Was…

Fearful of having enough for his new son. He knew his role was the provider and was concerned that his dreams may go unfulfilled to put food on the table and make the world a better place for his son than it was when he was growing up. He was concerned about his relationship as he trusted his new girlfriend as she admitted this was not her ideal relationship and that he was not her ideal man. He was worried he may had continued the sins of his father on to his son and this made him immensely sad as it was not his intention. All he knew is this child felt special and he could not give in to his fear. Through his resistance to be less his fear grew deep within his soul and kept him motivated. It was covered by hard work, dedication and the will to be more than he knew.

There Was…

A growth in closeness as they worked to have this child. They found the best parts of one another but never had really grown in to who they were before. They grew in to something together that was logical, cordial and patient in their combined will power. Both deeply passionate people they had some difficulty connecting with one another through the chaos of being something else besides what people usually be when they grow in to one another. Something in both of them was withheld to be what they needed to be for their newborn son. In a fit of irony he blessed the day of September 11th with his birth. Both were excited to have their first son.

Then There Was…

Three. There was us and him. We defined ourselves through the growing relationship we had with this new child and had little precious time to see each other in the way that would make our bond stronger. He started a new business as he wanted this legacy for his son so he wasted no more time being an employee. He declared he would never be another man’s slave and he would give this example to his son that would show him what is possible. He had been an entrepreneur all his life and so must he continue to be. So, he raised two children, his business and his newborn son. He did his best to help his woman find herself through the mist of being a new mother as well, but this task was more than he had the heart for and proved difficult. She was a strong mother who slept little for the sake of her child’s development. She sang to him and loved him patiently even as she felt herself undefined. He was hard working and pressed himself in to unknown straights working in to the long arm of the the night to build a dream and give his son an example he could be proud of. The time invested was time away and it pressed their relationship. They rarely fought but talked at length with no solution about how they shall be with one another instead of just being. There was no way for them to feel each other but through their child.

Until One Day…

The magic they needed that kept them united in function had run dry. They spent four years pushing and pulling against the inability to be what they wanted for one another. There was a blankness in their day that gave rise to tension and ran them weak on creativity. No longer could he see her struggle to be the woman she wanted to be without being satisfied. It made him sad because he loved her so much and quietly brought him to tears that he wouldn’t let her see. In the beginning he wanted so much for her and saw the brightness her soul gave off. He wanted to bless that with the light he had in his spirit and show her the beauty in life they could accomplish together. Together they created magic but both were unquenched in the passion they so desired for one another. As best friends they were weakened by the pain of this empty feeling but got better and better at hiding it. He was willing to incur the pain of loss to see her as she desired to see herself even though he knew deep down she may not come back to him. Finally love conquered the fear in his heart and the story is left unfinished…

So, I’m back in Front Royal, VA for a couple weeks to visit family. I missed them so I’m happy to be back here but I always have mixed feelings about being here. It’s where I grew up and I have a substantial amount of family here on my father’s side and some on my mother’s side. But it’s also a place I feel very uncomfortable about. My time here during my youth always made me feel less than great. There were many temptations to do wrong here because there was absolutely nothing to do here for young people except get in to drugs, play sports (which I didn’t) and generally get in to trouble. I was a high school drop out and didn’t find my true greatness until I left my hometown and struck out on my own. It was quite difficult in general to be anything coming from such a place. The environment of the town, my place on the socioeconomic ladder growing up and the people I hung out with all suggested I would grow up to be a loser. However, I was better in spite of growing up here.

I can’t deny where I’m from as that would be to deny who I am. Both my girlfriend and I are from here so we both have family here. However, I can’t help but feel okay about keeping a longer period of time between my visits here and making them as short as I can. But this time I haven’t been here in about 7 months and it would be selfish of me to stay away when my family hasn’t really seen my 2 year old son in that time. It’s disruptive to my business to be here as well as my temporary office is way less than ideal so I don’t focus nearly as well.

Many will think I’m being too hard on my home town or that everybody feels this way about their home town. Maybe so, I’m not cutting my home town any slack. The people in charge kept this town difficult to grow up in for a long time. They pushed away anything that could stimulate growth and fought progress to keep our town touristy which means they robbed the youth of my generation from any type of joy we would have had from things to actually do for young people in Front Royal. A special thanks to the town council and mayors of yesteryear for that bullshit.

I’ve always said I would invest in my home town when I became able to do so. I’m very close to being able to do so and I would love to invest in this town so maybe one less child will go through the mind numbing chaos of not being able to choose where your parents decide to raise you at. So, over the next 2-5 years it’s my goal to be able to invest in Front Royal and make it a better for people forced to grow up here and the people who have chosen to raise their children in this sleepy Civil War historic town that just recently got some balls and decided to grow.

This makes me very careful about where I choose to raise my son at long term. I’ve said that I would not raise my son in Nashville and I probably won’t no matter how much Nashville grows on me. I want to raise my son in a place where I would want to grow up. As any good father I want my son to have the things that I didn’t have as a child and I believe this is essential for a child.

So, for 2-3 weeks I will be grazing around Front Royal, talking to old friends and enjoying my family. I’m not thrilled about being here but I am happy to see my father, grandmother and some a couple close friends. Maybe one day I will be proud of this town or at least satisfied with what it becomes. But I am a bit salty about my youth here and that taste will be hard to get out of my mouth.

As some of you know or some of you may not know I just moved to Hendersonville (across Old Hickory lake). If there were a bridge I could get to my old house in about 5-10 minutes. So far I’m pretty impressed. I ended up using Chris & Katie Bradds as Realtors/Property managers. We found the most beautiful ranch style home and immediately fell in love with it. However, I was concerned that with my poor credit and my girlfriend’s nonexistent credit we wouldn’t be able to get the place. Chris & Katie worked with us and we made our case about the situation we were in with our prior landlord. Eventually we got approved and moved over here. The house has an attached apartment that has its own entrance, bathroom and kitchen. My mom was able to move in there and share rent with us bringing my bills much further down and giving us a babysitter right next door. Further my mom works for the cable company so we were able to get free cable, internet and much cheaper phone service. Overall my bills are now lower than they were at the other place and I have 3 times the space here. Though I make decent money I’m a sucker for a good deal and always trying to lower my living expenses.

I have to say that Chris & Katie at Bradds Realtors & Property Management made the experience very pleasant and they have a number of homes that are beautiful on their website.

I’ve had to modify the below statement/paragraph because Rick McClintock of Old Hickory Property Management threatened to sue me for libel. Classy of them. Let’s just say if you want to know more about my experiences ask me personally.

Secondly I have to negatively point to my old landlord. My experiences with  Old Hickory Property Management were absolutely terrible. I rented with them for over three years and would absolutely never do it again. If you do get involved with this company read the fine print very well. The contract is very verbose and has a lot of loopholes in it that could get you in troube if you are not aware of them. As a review of my dealings with this business I’d have to say on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best experience… I’d give this business a 2. I have talked with other tennants of this company and they have had very similar statements. Also, I only tolerated renting from this company for so long because it was difficult and time consuming to move and when I first moved to Nashville I had a bad credit history. That is a factual statement about my experience with them and what I am allowed to say according to the law

I will miss my old neighborhood. Old Hickory Village had a certain charm to it which I loved. I felt close with most of my neighbors and enjoyed the area very much. I will always remember my time in the Village and how I raised my first son there and enjoyed the first three years of my time in Nashville there. I would recomend it to anyone looking for a close knit, peaceful neighborhood that isn’t a bad transit to downtown Nashville. The negatives about Old Hickory is the bedrooms and bathrooms in many of the older houses are small. So, looking around for the right house is a must if you move there.

Looking forward, I’m really excited about Hendersonville. There are a lot of interesting restaurants over here to try and the neighborhood I’m in seems really laid back. The transit to downtown Nashville isn’t much worse than Old Hickory. We went exploring the other day and there are a ton of beautiful homes in this area. Within a year I aim to own a boat that I can dock here at the Marina. Also, there is a Geek Breakfast in Hendersonville now! Geek Breakfast Listings . There is a lot of charm in our new house and I’m looking forward to throwing our house warming party over here in May. This time I’m going to invite a lot more people as there will be much more space to party and I’m much more proud of our setup over here.

Last night I was talking with my girlfriend in to the late hours of the night (about 4am) and I noticed an orange glow on the wall in my living room. So, I glanced out the window and there was a fire high in the sky. A house was on fire. It was quite strange. First thing I did was call 911 and report it. The second thing I did was ran outside to see if everybody was okay. I happened to take my camera as well. I’m going to put together a video here in a couple days of the footage I filmed. The main issue I have with the fire was not that it happened but that it happened within a few hundred feet of a fire station. Seriously, this fire was burning for 30 minutes before the fire fighters even bothered to show up. For perspective look at the map to your left. The blue dot is the fire station and the red dot is where the fire station is. I would think there has to be a problem here. I’ve lived in this neighborhood over 3 years and when I first moved here I was told about the bustling mall that burned down a couple years before I got there. Guess where the shopping mall was? Yes, right across the road from the fire station. I checked my smoke alarm as soon as I got back to the house after watching this fire decimate the said house. I’m not even sure what the fire station is there for. The worst thing about this was there are two houses in very close proximity to the burning house that could have went up in flames. This neighborhood has a lot of houses that are close together. I don’t feel safe with that fire station in our neighborhood. I used to think it was awesome to have one so close but after two historical examples of property burning to the ground with terrible response time I question the security I feel because of this. Thanks Nashville Metro for putting the most useless fire station in Old Hickory, TN. I don’t feel safe at all because of it. Video will follow in a couple days.

I’m a pretty busy guy. So, night before last I had some important tasks that required my attention and I only got 3 1/2 hours sleep. I was sure that I would be done with my day by noon. But, this bad ass product kept me going.

I am completely averse to stimulants. I don’t drink coffee and I don’t do energy drinks. The only time I get caffeine is a little sweet tea now and then. So, a few weeks back I saw this 5-hour Energy Decaf edition and though I was skeptical I bought two bottles. Energy shots usually make me feel like a jittery, disconnected mess. So, I waited this long to try it.

In my desperation I decided I could do this and not feel so bad about it. Well, it was the right thing to do. Really, I would still only use this in an emergency situation but it’s nice to know I have something I can count on if I need it.

I sipped on this during the morning hours until the bottle was gone. I didn’t take it all at once. By about 8pm I was really feeling worn out and I ended up going to sleep about 9pm. I slept till 5am this morning and got up early to start my day. I really didn’t feel a crash or an immediate loss of energy. It was more of a slow downturn of energy. Anyway, a great product and I would definitely recommend.

 

Hi, my name is Will. I is be terrible at da spellin and the gramma. I caught some flame on my education post here on my blog and on twitter. Mostly because my spelling and grammar were terrible on the that post. Granted, it was an education post so maybe that was important. But, guess what folks? I know a ton of people who are very intelligent and can’t spell at all and rely heavily on their grammar/spell checker.

Second, I really doubt any English teachers or Lit Majors are reading my blog. But, if you are, please stay away from my rants that I write late at night. Hmmm… maybe I should flag them so you know. What is it with these OCD spelling and grammar nazis? Get a life. Now, I know some of the retort was from people who disagreed with my views on education. They just wanted some poo to throw in my face.

Look, I don’t give a damn all that much. The only reason I’m writing this post is because I love a lively argument and I think people are being way to tight over punctutation and spelling. Please, argue me on content and basis with facts and opinions. For that you will be respected and I won’t delete your comments. Hell, I won’t delete your comments anyways. If they are extremely obscene I may reserve the right to remove them. But if they are just insults towards me, that’s not a problem.

To the left of this article you will see the spelling bee award I gave myself. Stop being a buch of boring assholes. If you disagree argue with me. I will be putting all my posts after this one in a word processor and checking spelling/grammar before posting. However if I miss something and you are too OCD to deal with my spelling and grammar I have a gift for you of punctuation and spare letters you can use to fill it in for me. You can redeem these any time you need them for any of my posts.

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Blogging, Again?

So, a few months ago I started a personal blog and had a pretty steady readership. I really enjoyed it but I started to slack a bit and focus more on my business during the beginning of the recession. I started writing a lot for my business blog and a lot for twitter instead of focusing on personal writings. A few people told me I should get back to writing because they enjoyed my blog. I held out for a while until I could stabilize the business a bit and focus on some personal tasks (including setting up this blog). I really wanted to go at it full-force if I was going to do it. I wanted to design my own look and feel, write about things I cared about and write frequenty. I feel that my life is interesting enough and that I gather a ton of valuable information from day to day that I can share with the world.

Why Should You Read?

Further I’m a pretty interesting person. I got my first buisness license at 16, was emancipated from my parents at 17 and had my first job as a programmer when I was 17. I am in an interracial relationship with a black woman (which is worth mentioning because the cultural clash does make my life interesting sometimes). I have a 2 year old son with her and we live together. I am a pretty decent poet, a good programmer, an innovater, creative and an eternal optimist. Politically I’m in the middle but I lean conservative on financial issues and liberal on social issues. I have a pretty good knowledge of the history of this country, I love to travel and do it whenever I can and I’m have a tendancy to just be spontanious.

For all of you that love a good car wreck I can be a complete mess sometimes. I give great advice but don’t follow it myself which makes me look like a hipocrit but I learn quickly. I can be an insentitive, stubborn, arrogant prick. However, it makes for a good read. I’ve been doing two things from a very young age:

1. Playing with computers.


2. Writing

I’m a little self-absorbed sometimes too, which makes this a perfect platform for me. Maybe I didn’t get enough attention as a child or not enough from the right people. Eh… who knows? At least I’m interesting.

Where Is This Going?

Yeah, so, I don’t really know. I’m gonna write about whatever I feel I want to. I’m not going to pull many punches about what I write. If transparency is a flaw I guess I can call myself that too. I hope this goes to a point where I at least have an audience for my creation. If not, at least this will be an interesting read to my children one day.  A good record of who I was and why. If nothing, people should blog for that.